Congratulations!
by dyslexic-Carmie
Summary: The guards of the Belle Reve give Captain Boomerang a party to celebrate his new status. Slight Kaboom. Rated T for language.


"What's that?" Griggs asked as Flag entered the office caring a folder.

"Updates. Waller needs them added to the file on Boomerang."

"What kind of updates?"

"Legal stuff," Flag answered handing Griggs the file. "If we want to keep Boomerang at Belle Reve he has to have this information in his file."

"Oh?" Griggs answered opening the file. "Is this a birth certificate from Florida?"

"Yeah, I don't necessarily agree with it but since he's Australian he can't legally stay here. This is for we can keep him here for the next potential Task Force X mission."

"So, Waller forged him a birth certificate?"

"Not entirely. There was a George Hawkins born in Florida in 1984 which was close enough."

"So, there's an American George Hawkins somewhere that has his identity stolen?" Griggs asked flipped through the pages and to see a social security card.

Flag shook his head. "Not really. The American Hawkins died years."

"From what?"

"I never asked. I don't care or want to know."

"So, what about all the stuff labels this information as bullshit?"

The colonel sighed. "They've been destroyed. Lucky for Waller there wasn't a whole lot of information on him to prove that he's Australian."

"What do you mean?"

"The jackass never got caught in Australia, so the only paperwork on him was when the Flash got him. He murdered all his companions and never paid his taxes. So there wasn't a whole lot of information to get rid of."

"So, Boomerang doesn't have an Australian birth certificate anymore?"

"Yep."

"Does he know about any of this?"

"Nope."

"That's messed up."

Flag sighed. "Yeah, I don't agree with it either. But if the Belle Reve ever gets investigated-"

Griggs cut him off. "Let me guess the American people don't want their tax dollars used to house and keep an illegal immigrant criminal alive."

"Exactly," the colonel answered. "Its just a precaution. Its not entirely legal but it looks legal enough."

"Is this why Boomerang didn't get anything out of the mission?" the guard asked. "Like in case the Belle Reve was ever to get investigated we could ship Boomerang somewhere without having any evidence that he's been kept here?"

"No." Flag shook his head. "He didn't get anything because he's a jackass."

Griggs laughed. "That's true."

The colonel opened the door to leave. "Just make sure that this information gets in his file."

"Yeah sure."

* * *

"Hey what's this?"

"Oh, that's just some paperwork Flag dropped off a few hours. Waller needs it added to Boomerang's file."

The other guard flipped through the file. "So, this is just a bunch of legal mumbo jumbo to keep the screaming fucker here?"

"Yep," Griggs answered. "This file just turned an Aussie to an American."

"Does Captain Boomerang know about any of this?"

"Nope."

The other guard smiled. "Can we tell him?"

Griggs laughed. "Oh, that'll really make the fucker mad."

"We should totally tell him."

Griggs shook his head. "No, we shouldn't just tell him. We should throw that asshole a fucking party to celebrate."

* * *

"Are you fuckers taking me back to Australia?" Boomerang asked the guards wheeling him out of his cell. "Or is the suicide squad coming back? Why do I have to have a fucking blindfold on?"

"We really should have gagged him," one of the guards whispered to the other. "I really can't stand all his yelling."

The other nodded. "Yeah, we really should have but orders are orders."

"What orders? Don't just talk over me!" Hawkins yelled. "I want to know where I'm going!"

The guards ignored him and continued wheeling him outside.

"Am I being sent back to Australia?" he demanded. "Are you going to put me back in the bag?"

The guards refused to answer and continued rolling him.

"Tell me where the fuck I'm being taken to! I don't want to go back in that fucking bag!"

The guards continued to stay quiet and as one opened the door to the courtyard of the Belle Reve.

"Are we going outside?" he asked feeling the temperature change. "What the fuck is going on?"

One of the guards closed and locked the door they just went though.

"Tell me what's going on you cock sucking cunts! Am I going in the bag?"

"You're not going in the bag!" one of the guards that had wheeled him yelled back.

Griggs laughed. "Don't let him get to you."

"Sorry sir."

"There are more of you cocksuckers out here!" Boomerang yelled. "Is there a new mission? Katana? Are you there, luv?"

"Take his blindfold off," Griggs ordered.

Boomerangs blindfold was taken off.

"Surprise!"

"What's this?" Boomerang demanded seeing red, white, and blue balloons everywhere and no sign of his mission companions.

"Congratulations, asshole you're American!" one of the guards stated moving out of the way to display a banner that said that exact same phrase.

"What?"

Nobody answered Boomerang. "Uncuff him from his wheelchair for he can have a beer," Griggs stated moving out of the way to display another banner that said, "It's an American!"

The guards removed his cuffs from the wheelchair. Once that happened Boomerang stood up and immediately punched the guard that uncuffed him in the face.

"Told you that would happen," a guard said while holding an actual bald eagle.

"What the hell?" Boomerang demanded as the other guard that pushed him outside restrained him. "Why? What is going on?"

"Waller made you an American," Griggs answered holding out a Bud Lite for him. "You're not Australian anymore."

"I… I…" Hawkins didn't know what to think or say. "I'm…. what? What? Why?"

Griggs laughed as the guard who was restraining him let Boomerang take the beer. "To be here you have to be American. Somebody turn on the confetti canon and cue the music!"

The confetti canon full of red, white, and balloon confetti went off and "America Fuck Yeah!" started playing loudly from the speakers.

"How is any of this possible?" Boomerang yelled over the loud music. "What the fuck is going on?"

Nobody answered Boomerang. "Cue the fireworks!"

Fireworks of red, white, and blue went off.

"Why is this going on?" Boomerang yelled throwing his beer across the courtyard. It landed next to a table full of bags from McDonalds. The guard behind him grabbed his arm to restrain him again.

"Dude, party fowl."

"Why was I made American?" he demanded again. "What does that mean? What the fuck is going on?"

"You were made American to stay here," the guard holding the bald eagle answered. The eagle squawked.

"Why the fuck is an eagle here?"

"Oh, do you like my bird. It's my brother-in-laws. His name his Liberty," the guard with the bird answered.

"There's an eagle here because you're now American, dumbass," somebody answered. "Drink a beer. Its from the good U-S of A."

"I don't want your cruddy American beer!" Boomerang yelled. "That stuff tastes like water downed piss!"

A guard laughed. "He's not wrong. As Americans we mainly drink foreign beer, but that wouldn't have matched the whole party theme."

"Yeah, be happy we didn't get Bud Lite Lime, asshole."

"Somebody please tell me what's going on?" Hawkins demanded again.

"We're having a party for you. Why else would there be balloons?" one guard answered. "Come on you're not that much of a dumbass."

"You can have a party without balloons," somebody mumbled under their breath.

"How?" Boomerang asked trying to get free from the guard trying to restrain him.

"Waller destroyed all the evidence that made you an Australian," Griggs answered as the song changed to "Born in the U-S-A".

"What?"

"Your Australian birth certificate and any other information that gave you an identity outside the US has been destroyed," Griggs answered looking him in the eye. "Now you're just an American asshole like the rest of us. Your childhood, your life, your identity has all been changed. We own you."

"No you don't," Hawkins stated before snapping.

First went down the guard restraining him.

Second Griggs and few other guards.

Third the decorations.

Fourth the eagle.

Waller, Flag, and Katana showed up before the fifth happened.

He made have imagined it but the last thing he remembered was Katana saying "I'm so sorry," as it all got dark.

* * *

"What the fuck was that about?" Flag demanded staring down all the guards that were part of Boomerangs party.

Nobody answered. Katana got her blade ready.

"Not yet, cowgirl," Flag said getting her to put her blade back. "You fuckers didn't think for a second did you? We can't have any evidence that proves the file we have on Hawkins is bullshit. Does anybody have anything to say about this?"

"I'm sorry sir," a guard with a black eye from Captain Boomerang's tantrum said.

"Sorry doesn't cut it. Lucky for you dipshits we can just delete the recording of the party."

"All the money you spent on that stupid party will be taken out of your paychecks," Waller added.

"What?"

"I can't afford the cost of that eagle!"

"We didn't even use half the stuff we brought!"

"I don't care," Waller stated as Katana inspected the security footage.

* * *

Hawkins woke up back in his cell.

"God, I hope that I just had a nightmare," he said putting his hand to his head. "Oh shit." His hands had crawl marks from his fight with the eagle. "Fucking dammit!"

Pissed off he threw his mattress across the room. A note fell out from it. He picked it up.

 _I've stolen the Belle Reve's security footage. If you ever need to prove your identity, I have your evidence. Flag does do a good job of explaining what Waller did, and watching you attack an eagle is amazing. Don't worry I'll keep all this footage safe. Destroy this note –K_

He smiled. He had no idea how Katana did it, but he didn't care. Laughing he ripped up the note.

* * *

 **A/N**

 **So this was an idea I had.  
**

 **I edited and wrote this with a few drinks in my system. I'm also dyslexic so sober me probably wouldn't have caught any grammar mistakes. If you see any mistakes, please let me know. I'll fix any grammar mistakes pointed out to me.**


End file.
